I always thought we'd have two and until recently, was steeling myself to go back to the clinic in 2013 and climb back on the ole' rollercoaster but now I am not so sure.
Pro's to having a 2nd child:
- A won't be a spoiled only child - not sure that this is actually valid and is probably more to do with how A is parented. He could be a real brat if there were two as well.
- A will have company - I think I fought with my brother as much as I played with him. I do really love my siblings' company now that we're older though.
- To have more of that Mommy Love - to experience a newborn again would be amazing and to have another whole batch of Love to give away.
- Less focus and pressure on A - he will have to absorb the full amount of my over-eager parenting.
Con's:
- Having to go back for IVF and the associated stress (financial, marital & more than likely heart-breaking failures) Also might be harder as I'll be older?
- Financial pressure of private-schooling two
- Marital strain of less adult time together and more child care demands
- Less guilt free time for me
- I only have 3 to 4 hours with A each day, would two mean that time is halved?
Truth is that if we could fall pg naturally, it wouldn't even be a question, so maybe my real concern is going back to the clinic? C and I took HUGE strain as a couple during that time. I don't want to test our marriage that far again.
I've wrestled with the same issues. There are pro's and con's to having one and to having two. Decide what will be best for you and don't let yourself be bullied by the old school mentality of those who think that an only child is a spoiled child!
ReplyDeleteWelcome back :)
ReplyDeleteI had a lot of difficulty with this too, but as you know in the end the decision was made to stick with one. Actually when we started the fertility treatment process the first time round we decided that we would only have one (or go through the process only once). But at some point after my boy's birth we thought that a second would be great. After the failed FET earlier this year, and then the health issues and other stuff, the decision was really made for me in any case....
I have also tossed and turned about the pros and cons. Particularly also the "companion" pro, and possibility of a "spoilt brat" con. But like you said - in the end parenting will be a huge contributing factor (I think the most important in any case) in terms of a spoilt child.
I have to admit though that the thought of having another baby is very tempting, and gives me butterflies....
Good luck with this :)
Les, I am obviously in no place to give advise, having not even 1 baby and not knowing from 1st hand experience what it is to care for once baby/child 24/7.
ReplyDeleteI also fully understand the reluctance to go through treatments again. Would you consider alternative ways to enlarge your families ? Adoption, fostering .... etc ?
I am very glad to have found you in Blogland and to follow your stories.
Good luck for this big decision !!
Only you and C will be able to make a decision on what is right for your family. Only you and C know which of the pros and cons weighs most heavily. Having seen you as a mom I just have to say that I hjave no doubt in my mind whatsoever that YOU have enough capacity to love and care for in the most amazing way a whole football team of children, with no diminishing of the love each child would feel or attention they would get.
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